Lots to blog about. First thing first, church. This past Sunday I went to the Deaf Lutheran church here after noticing it while driving by. I entered a nondescript building, sat with my friends and watched every person signing the service, including the "singers". All three pastors signed. The rather interesting thing is that the whole service was recorded by internet camera. Of course, being the new people (along with a family of three), we were asked to introduce ourselves, where we lived, and why we were there generally. On camera. I am always a bit nervous having the spotlight on me. Anyway, the only thing I can say about the service is that it was the smallest and most boring church I have ever attended - as while there was audio in the deaf church, the visuals - which one would think there would be more of in this particular church - were lacking to say the least. The Lutheran church was not much different than a Catholic church and that was something that surprised me greatly, I guess my experience with churches is lacking and I'm glad I am trying different churches just to understand their difference, even if their meaning is lost on me.

And now for something completely different.
Over the past three weeks, the Alien has heard more and more talk about Facebook - now the Alien has a facebook, however she does not use it as she would rather use Myspace. It was under the Alien's understanding that both were about the same, that people use one over another but neither were more important than another - at least it was that way when she signed up for facebook to look at a friend's page about a year ago. Apparently the times have changed, and Facebook has become the business-oriented social network and Myspace the personal-oriented social network. The Alien does not understand Facebook whatsoever but now there is a need to learn as she is looking for a better job.
Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, all have the capability for me to post where I am, what I am doing, what I plan to do. The Alien does...not...understand...the...fascination of telling people what they are doing - as if they are some important figure to be followed around, as if their life is that important that they must let everyone know. It seems to the Alien as if people are inviting stalking, inviting others to take an interest in their mundane lives, inviting others to know the deepest reaches of their soul without developing the trust between that friend. Friends do not deserve to know - Friends are entrusted to know.
The Alien has three friends whom she has entrusted to know most things about her, and only two whom she has entrusted to know ALL things about her. The Alien will not be using the websites mentioned above so that secrets she wishes not to reveal, do not get revealed to the wrong people.

The long dark teatime

Google has failed the Alien. A place where everything is cataloged and cashed, snapshotted and saved, the Alien has found one term in which Google comes up with three entries- one of which seems to be song lyrics, the term itself found yet found with a comma separating the words, invalidating that entry. The next, a entry which states that the term only appears in documents pointing to the page - and no other info to link the document. The third, a bit more close to a hit, yet it is only a post of someone trying to discredit someone else's dehumanization of the first poster's posting.

The Alien feels alone in this term, a term which has haunted her since she was young - and yet no one else on the planet seems to be able to understand the concept much less feel it themselves. It is made worse by the constant, almost daily reminder, of something seemingly always out of the Alien's reach. The two concepts are intertwined slightly, and as she looks around at others who do not resonate with the term and who seemingly have what the Alien lacks, she is at a complete loss as to how to go about disidentifying with the term and reaching what others so easily seem to get. The alien works hard, well over 60 hours a week, and runs a company of her own. The alien lives in a nice area in a nice small townhouse. The alien has two cars, a few pets, a few friends, and family close by. The alien enjoys a few online games, playing an instrument from time to time, and travelling.

On the surface, it seems as if she has the thing that she knows she lacks. But life also plays another game, one of which drags the Alien back down to knowing that something isn't normal.
It is one of the reasons she is an Alien.
It is one of the reasons she hates being an Alien.

Challenges

If it isn't already pretty clear over my last few postings, life has given me a rather unusual theme lately: Loss.
To date, I have lost a rather necessary (to me) kitchen appliance, my only credit card (number was stolen), one car's brake pads, my downstairs heater, a computer hard drive, and my health. The alien hopes that it is simply the universe's way of getting rid of all of her bad luck at the beginning of the year so the rest of the year may flow rather smoothly.
Since I am feeling quite a bit better (and I do think now that whatever had me so tired was definitely viral, but I must wait another 3 months or so to make sure), I am hopefully ready to post more thought-related postings again.

One of my thoughts I've been wanting to post for quite some time, was a concept I've come up with to explain myself to, well, myself. The alien has always been somewhat of a different thinker, perhaps not of a scientific nature, but more of a different sort of process leading to same conclusions type of thinker. When most people think, they have access to past situations to help them judge what to do in situations. In a given situation, if someone asks a question, a person will go through memory to answer the question. In a given situation, a person has a reaction based on the situation at hand, not a reaction based on a previous reaction.
Does anyone know someone who reacts based on how they have reacted in the past, or how they have read/been told how to react, and not reacted based on past experiences? The alien has begun to think that there are two minds - the reactionary mind and the precognitive mind (for lack of better terms). The reactionary mind is what a person uses at that second to process what is going on and come up with acceptable solutions for a situation. The precognitive mind is where memories of past situations have been stored, memories such as "don't do it this way again" and "maybe we should try this instead of that" are stored. Most people, it seems, have access to their percognitive mind and reactionary mind at all times. But what of a person who only has access to their reactionary mind during situations? Where the precognitive mentality is not accessed for minutes after the situation ends?
I'll let this stew for a bit-perhaps other words would fit better in this situation, or clarification will be necessary before I continue with this thought.

Health

The Alien is worried.

Two days ago, she collapsed at work and could not find the energy to lift her head, much less walk. Despite getting a full eight hours of sleep and having a good amount of sleep the previous days, she felt as though all of the energy she had, had been vaporized suddenly. She was wheeled out of work on a stretcher. After six hours in the emergency room, all the tests came back normal.

While the Alien is relieved to know that she is generally healthy, she is worried because of the fact that she has not recovered energetically as of yet. The night after the hospital stay, she got almost eight hours of sleep, went to work the next day, and after 5 hours had a headache and was once again feeling weak. After a 2 1/2 hour nap, she helped a friend with finding a car. Two car tests later, the headache and weakness was back with a vengeance. She got to sleep around 9:30, woke up at 4:30. Today's work day was better, as she was not feeling as weak and tired, but the headache is still around.

It is obvious that something is wrong but no one knows what caused the problem to begin with, with testing giving no other clues. The alien seems to have been sick quite frequently and this blog is a way to journal past events, present thoughts, and future plans, so it does all fit. She does hope soon to document more of her thoughts than posting strictly about her health.