How the Alien rejected Christianity

I grew up in catholism and protestantism, one on each side of the family. Yes, there was some issues between our families because of that but they were at least civil to each other. While both sets grandparents were definite "every sunday, pray before bed" people, I never quite got the whole religion thing. As far as I was aware (which admittedly, was not much), churches were for old people. I sure didn't understand the point of alter boys and why they were there. I didn't think too deeply into it. Before I go any farther, I must reveal a detail. I do happen to barely have a blood disorder similar to hemophilia. This blood disorder has done nothing bad to me, I have never taken any daily medication for it (save for after one surgery, for a week), and all tests came back normal and healthy. However, because of the disorder, I could not play sports. Wahoo! That's one of the best parts about having a disorder - instant excuse for not playing any sport. I've hated sports longer than I can remember.
So anyway, having this disorder qualified me for special things of course, one of which was camps for kids with disorders. My parents had just barely enough money to buy food and keep the roof over our heads and the 15-year-old pieces of junk cars running. They wanted to give us a good childhood (By this time I was 15 when we found out about camps and such) and so they sent us to Camp Barnabas (www.campbarnabas.org), one such camp for kids with disorders ranging from mental to physical in any way. Each week had a purpose, and I attended during the oncology week. I was around the age of 15. I had spiky short hair. Something I still don't regret having at least once in my life.
Long story short, it was a wonderful camp, based on Christian values and teachings. Bible study was daily. Prayers were said. Plays were performed. Sermons were given (especially on Sunday). I still didn't get it, until one girl gave a very emotional testimonial. I was overcome with emotion, crying and such. One of the counselors said that that was Jesus wanting into your heart and let him in. Wonderful feelings came from that...I felt part of the group. I thought it was forever like this. The week ended, and soon November rolled around. You know, the time of year when Christians are spreading joy and fellowship all over the blooming place? Apparently it never got to me, and despite my efforts to live how I was supposedly supposed to live while in Christ...it faded. The emotion, the happiness, whatever Christians want to call it - it faded. Despite the fact that the holiday should have rejuvenated my "Christian spirit", it didn't. The next year, I went back to camp and lo and behold, the spirit returned to me. Around the same time as the previous year, lost the feeling again despite my harder effort to keep it alive. Back to came, and it was back! Then gone again...
I gave up after that point and haven't been back. Whatever it was, it wasn't something mystical that always stays with you. I guess this may be the reason why fellowship is so important in Christianity, to maintain that feeling of love.

So if fellowship is required to maintain that, and Christians feed off of that love, are they not then comparable to psychic vampires? Also, if other people are needed to maintain that feeling of love, then why need the whole Bible and Christ stories and church too? I've been to a skeptic's convention, it was grand, I felt like one of the guys with people I've never met before! I warm up to people quick, and some people don't, sure. However, meetups happen all the time for all different things in life. If general group get togethers are all that is needed, then needing church and dogma and preachers and heaven and hell are not.

A large step out

This post will be rather long and rambling and deal with some deep issues.

Over two years. It's been well over two years now since I left the house in which I was, for all intensive purposes, mentally tormented by an atheist. A communist conspiracy theorist atheist who was hell bent on destroying any and all belief, even to the detriment of other people. Stupid, wrong, and, well, inhuman were words I heard quite frequently. Though he and I both paid rent to another person, this atheist and his girlfriend came into my room, violated my space, threw away some things I used in my beliefs, and refused to back down. Though I got my things back, it was not another two months before I got the hell out of that house which had become nothing but gloom, despite living with two other people whom I loved to live with. (There were 5 people in that house.) This is not to say that I was also closed minded, I made many, many attempts to understand his points of view. He made no attempt, and instead riled against any thoughts I had of my own. Paul Poposky, you are an absolute ass worse than the shit you expel out. Knowing you, I know you'll find that comment funny. He liked ass and poop jokes and references for some reason.
After getting out of that, I wanted nothing to do with atheists. Keep in mind that he was the first and only one I knew. If he was what atheism was, I wanted no part of that. In fact, anyone who would dare question my beliefs who claimed to be an atheist, would have gotten screamed out of my subdivision.
Then my best friend told me she had become an atheist. I was more than appalled. I felt betrayed by the person who knew me the most. She, becoming atheist, was like her telling me she was going to become exactly like Paul. It put the largest wedge in our friendship than has ever been there before. I wasn't sure I could stand to be around her, as if she had been contaminated with this disease that turned people into...well, Paul. I'm sure Paul right now is smiling at this.
A few months passed as normal, I'm not sure if I visited because I didn't want to see her or if I just couldn't due to time limitations. Probably the latter mostly actually. But I needed someone to work with me on a house and she was available to help. Somewhere during the first few days, she said she had something interesting to have me listen to. Okay, no problem, this happens quite frequently. I like interesting stuff and she knows what I would find interesting. Somewhere in those next few days (while dealing with the death of my first hard drive which had not been backed up in a year or two - losing half of my picture portfolio and a lot of old college work), she had me listen to this podcast.
It was Point of Inquiry. I had no idea what Point of Inquiry was, but the podcast was definitely interesting. We listened to a few more....and down the line at another house job she helped me on, well we were up to like 6 a day some days.
By this time I had figured/found out that it was a skeptical podcast and that meant Atheists ran it. Not that I came to that conclusion based on the word skeptical, but that she had told me it was run by atheists. Okay. Don't ever want to meet them, but the podcasts are at least cool.
By this time, my friend had started living in a triad with two other...atheists. I've never been so scared to enter a house, ever. Or have conversations with people, but those two? I was adamant on not getting too deep in conversation with them lest they start questioning my beliefs and attacking them upon finding out I wasn't an atheist like them. While I ended up conversing with them, it did not go too deeply. Well, at least they didn't mentally torture me with their conversation. Okay, some athists are okay, not necessarily cool, but not Paul.
Skip to over a year and a half later. I hadn't really done much with listening to more podcasts, but by this time I had picked up a few of her books to read. Richard Dawkins and the like. A book club was coming up and I pretty much figured I could go and see what the book club was like. Hey, I was off at my jobs, why not. Then a few months later, I was headed to Europe for a family vacation, and while I had a ipod-device, it wasn't all that great. I borrowed Chrissy's (now indefinitely) and what was loaded on there? The biggest ton of POI podcasts plus other podcasts (quackwatch and SGU and the like). Oh I knew what I was gonna be listening to on those long train rides between cities!
Back in town, I attended another book club on a book I hadn't read, but oh well, the conversation was good. By this time, I'm starting to figure out that the intellectual conversation may just overpower my now deep fear of atheists. I took some tentative steps, checking out - gasp- other blogs than Chrissy's and the POI website. First one I went to, Skepchick.org. Which is where I found out about Skepticon 2. Okay, cool. I mistakenly thought it was in St. Louis at the time but oh well, not like I could go anyway with work. I also registered and posted a hello post on the POI forums. Cut to a week later, this past Friday. I got off at work at 10am and found out I had the weekend off for once. Rare, but cool. I go to skepchick.com and find Skepticon 2 to be in Springfield. Oh, oh well. I ask Chrissy if she plans to attend and wow, she was. Hm. Weekend off, weekend spent with best friend. At a atheist convention. Imagine that weigh scale going up and down. I bit the bullet and texted her, asking if I could ride along. Of course she said sure - at 1pm. By this time I had already packed cause I had to get to the next job. So I threw everything into my car, went to work, got to her house, and we were off to the convention after that.
Imagine a deep nervousness that keeps on being pushed down by the want for intellectual conversations sure to happen. Imagine being nervous at meeting people you've been listening to not long, but just long enough to feel like you're meeting someone famous. Imagine still being deeply nervous and still quite a bit fearful of the people who were SURE to ask you about your religious beliefs and question you when you still haven't worked out your stand on everything-in-the-known-world-much-less-yourself (see future posts on this) completely yet. You've probably gotten the picture.

Imagine then fitting in better at this convention than fitting in ANYWHERE else ever in your life, even with groups of friends known for years.

So now I must say it clearly to Paul and the other demeaning atheists out there who use mental torture to wear down others. You, sir, do/did NOT help your cause in the slightest. Your strategy did NOT work and scared away someone who COULD have been someone on your side. Now before you think "wait, but it did", technically.... you're still wrong. It would have probably always come to this (just by nature of my friend deciding for herself), and what you did was stopped someone from becoming it for years longer than they probably would have. You did a disservice to your cause and I do not believe anyone should respect what you say given the way you go about proving your points. So instead of protecting Paul's name lest he come back at me in some way, I shall say it now. Paul Poposky, YOU are a DISGRACE TO ATHEISTS and ATHEISM and THEY DO NOT NEED YOU as an advocate.

Making a stand

It is important to make a stand when you don't agree with something or someone.
So today I am going to an anti-protest against a certain church who believes that God hates gays, hates servicemen, and hates America. They, of course, are the only people trying to convert with hate of such extreme in the Midwest. They are going to go disrupt a few schools and other churches. There has been a call to St. Louis to go anti-protest from one of our main alternative radio stations, and also some of the Atheist society mobilized. I am joining in, with a massive amount of boards with phrases on them, plus empty ones for people to do their own. I hope it will be safe for all, but sometimes you must put your safety on the line to stand for what you believe.

One year. Time to get more serious.

It's been one year exactly since I started this blog, and truthfully not much has appeared on it. That's what happens when you have two jobs, college, a house, and an addiction to World of Warcraft, a four month addiction to Doctor Who, a 17 day vacation to Europe, and various other things that have kept me from this blog. Add onto that not being able to write or record thoughts exactly when I have them (before I lose them), and that's a recipe for blog failure.
Things have started to change, now that the vacation and Doctor Who addiction is gone and I am once again recording thoughts (and I have submitted to getting Twitter), it leaves a bit more time for expansion on thoughts in this blog. Now it's time to get a bit more serious and use this as a place for what I intended it. A blog about scientific and spiritual ideas and the reconciliation between them.